~~ THE JUNE JOKEFEST ~~

with a photo of international funnyman Damir!

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like. . . well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

~~ THE JUNE JOKEFEST ~~

with a photo of international funnyman Damir!

Bill worked in a pickle factory.

He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.

He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'

'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.

'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill, what happened?'

'I got fired.'

'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'

'Oh...she got fired too.'

~~ THE JUNE JOKEFEST ~~

with a photo of international funnyman Damir!

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,
'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table
together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked
as a jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples
are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee
and the other is in your oatmeal

~~ THE JUNE JOKEFEST ~~

with a photo of international funnyman Damir!

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'

IT IS FINALLY HERE - MONTH FULL OF HUMOUR IN

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~~ THE JUNE JOKEFEST ~~

with a photo of international funnyman Damir!

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'

She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

~~ THE JUNE JOKEFEST ~~

with a photo of international funnyman Damir!

-------------------------------------------------

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side!

HO HO HO HA HA HA HA

Yes that one is a popular joke back in my home town.

Hello there, I am a photo of popular Serbian funnyman Damir and as such do not pretend to be the actual real person.

Having recently won first prize in the 'Bronwyn Bishop Comedy Awards' and recieving top marks in the 'John Howard Comedy College', I was asked to host this years 'Manila Downunder June Jokefest'.
It is an incredible honour for any photo and I shall do my best to bring you the funniest jokes from around the world, even more funny than my chicken joke above - yes that funny.

In a world where human vermin spread gossip, people can be locked up for threatening government officials and taxi drivers are allowed to roam freely, I think we need to take out time for a good laugh.

So join me through June as we have enough laughs to make you accidently follow through.

Now before I go, let me leave you with one more joke!

Q: Did you here about the tennis stars dad who threatened the Australian Ambassador with a rocket!
A: SIGHHHHHHHHHHHH The police did!