Hellllllo and welcome to my puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurfect new column.

I will be bringing you all the latest jokes that have shown up in my litter tray, although the dropping that had plastic in it will not feature, despite the obvious hilarity it caused my owners.

You will find nothing here except the funniest and cleanest of jokes, you can trust me, I am a churchgor with much credibility.
If you don't believe me, I shall come around and chew your lounge, eat your food and poop on your drapes.

Please enjoy my first tasty selections.

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Two Irishmen were working on the roof of a building one day when one
made a misstep and fell to the ground. The other leaned over and called:

"Are yez dead or alive, Mike?"
"Oi'm alive," said Mike feebly.
"Sure you're such a liar Oi don't know whether to belave yez or not."
"Well, then, Oi must be dead," said Mike, "for yez would never dare tocall me a liar if Oi wor aloive."

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A conductor and a brakeman on a Montana railroad differ as to the proper
pronunciation of the name Eurelia. Passengers are often startled upon
arrival at his station to hear the conductor yell:
"You're a liar! You're a liar!"
And then from the brakeman at the other end of the car:
"You really are! You really are!"

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FATHER (reprovingly)--"Do you know what happens to liars when they die?"
JOHNNY--"Yes, sir; they lie still."

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A heartwarming story. Not about LIARS!

A small boy was lost at a large shopping Centre.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said, 'I've lost my granddad!'
'The cop asked, 'What's he like?'
The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,
' Bundaberg Rum and sheilas with big tits.'

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Railways and Industrial Heritage Society

Philippines Inc

(Australian Chapter)

It has been a hard 10 years in the making, but yesterday the Australian chapter of this new society became official.

Ever since I first went to the Philippines in 1999 I have wanted to do something to help preserve the important railway and other transport history of the Philippines.

On returning home I set up the 'Philippine Railways SIG' which has gradually grown to over 200 members and led to numerous websites and forums, it has also been a place where travellers and Filipino students regularly came for information.

Still it was not yet a museum, or a society that could benefit the Filipino population as a whole.

This began to change in 2007 when a group of us visited Caloocan workshops and decided it was time for something to be done, we even inspected the little railcar that has now become our first restoration project.

We later went on to find an expert in Philippine history from Pila Laguna called Jaime Tiongson. Jaime has enormous experience in the area of history and we were very lucky to gain him as our president there. He has been instrumental in our gaining acceptence in many government circles and also captured us our first television appearance.

Being stuck in Australia had me a little depressed, afterall, it was my pet project and something I had pretty much decided to devote my life to. I love the Philippines, despite being a born and bred Aussie, but moving there permanently is not really an option at the moment.
So a happy alternative had to be found and that was the 'Australian Chapter'.

So what does our group do for the parent group in the Philippines?
Glad you asked!!

We are the base for a group newsletter, we conduct fundraising and we are the membership office for the world, the only place we don't accept membership from is, obviously, the Philippines (since the group is already there).
Our board has years worth of experience in the railway industry, preservation and also the railfan hobby. This will all go towards offering technical assistance, research work and other support roles.

DOES IT ALL JUST BENEFIT RAILFANS?

No, indeed it dosen't.
Besides also covering industrial topics as well, the society here in Autralia will also help the Philippines by:
* Giving jobs to people when we outsource major work, thus helping families.
* Most restoration material will be sourced in the Philippines, thus giving companies money and helping people with jobs.
* With most money spent in the Philippines, we will also be doing a lot to help the economy!

So any membership money, or even just the occasional donation helps, not only the saving of great history, but also the country itself.

That is great for everyone!

If you can help us, perhaps with just a donation, no matter how small, please check out our

RIHSPI-ANZ WEBSITE

Thank you

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The South Sydney Filipino Community (or part of it anyway)

~~ MERRY-GO-ROUND OF MISTRUTH ~~

** THE EXCITMENT CONTINUES **

As outlined during my jog yesterday, there has been more exciting rumours going around.

It has indeed been a good decision to advertise the site via other media and mailbox drop, as the decent members of society are coming out of the woodwork with all the latest tid bits of rumour and bollocks.

Remember - for the full truth and nothing but the truth (willing to use a polygraph) keep checking out this website. I don't have the internal desire tolie, or reasons to have to make things look better for my for fear of legal repercussions.

So you may be asking yourself

"AM I A FILIPINO MUSHROOM?"

"AM I BEING KEPT IN THE DARK AND FED BULLSHIT?"

Well yes it is indeed a valid couple of questions.

Don't get me wrong, some people in the community are happy to listen to the bollocks and allow themselves to be treated like fools by the spreader, without doing themselves the honour of getting the full story.

Of course you are welcome to look like a fool - it is a free country - we fought in two world wars so you are able to make the decision to hide from reality and embrace that which is ignorance.

Of course if you have any self respect, you may wish to know the truth behind the storylines.

Now if you have heard any of the following storylines (in green) you may welcome a BREATH OF FRESH AIR, aka THE TRUTH (in red).

I was the one assaulted by them!

Interesting- how does one do that while sitting in a chair, being approached by the actual attacker?

I was attacked by Brad and a couple of guys!

This is an interesting story, which has now changed numerous times. There was only two guys there, one was myself who was trying to push the attacker off, the other was your friend who assaulted me (see earlier shot of the bruise on my arm).

Actually, while I think of it, a male Filipino friend of the attacker, who I have finally identified through a local Filo shop, was about to punch me as well but thought better of it.

These other two guys seem to have a desire to have caused themselves much trouble over reasons they had no idea about.

Those who were attacked have been taken to court!

Really, we missed this. How did we do? Did we win?

A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.

Mark Twain

A liar begins with making falsehood appear like truth, and ends with making truth itself appear like falsehood.

William Shenstone

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The South Sydney Filipino Community (or part of it anyway)

~~ MERRY-GO-ROUND OF MISTRUTH ~~

Firstly I would like to thank everyone who helped me win the '2009-Most Lied About Aussie In The Filipino Community Award'.

It would be wrong of me to take all the credit myself, there were so many people who have lied about me over the years and they alone have made this awesome achievement possible.

While some of the the Mt Druitt/Werrington area Filos certainly made a terrific attempt to get me this prestigious award, it was a number in Eastlakes who finally got me over the line.

Sadly there are many out there who didn't help at all. They blatantly remained great friends, constantly caring about me, defending me and making my life feel so worthwhile.
Together they nearly lost me this award and to them I say THANKS.

Thanks for your friendship and making my time posting this, although representing years of pain and hurt, an enjoyable experience.

This posting does, after all, represent my side of everything, in a community where I have little chance of spreading as much gossip as those who wish to do so about me.

Everything said here I am happy to say on a polygraph, or indeed any truth telling, test. Indeed I desperately want to do so.

Sadly, due to the immense jealousy (and for legal publishing reasons) it would bring if I was to overlook anyone who has made a huge attempt to discredit me and lie over all these years and thus won me this award, I am leaving names out. However rest assured, I do appreciate every single person who has told other members of the community crap about me, without your efforts to make me look like a mongrel after years of helping, I could never have reached where I am today.

I love you all - well the honest ones anyway.

Now ladies, gentleman and anything in between we come to the part you have all been waiting for.

THE LIES

Lets look through all those wonderful memories, those lies over the last decade that have brought me to the realisation of this truly appreciated award.Not to mention how appreciated my efforts to help people has been.

So many happy times, like the first time I was called a 'Hippopotamus' and my old favourite, that first time I was accused of having an affair with a friend. This second one has become quite a regular over the years, strangely enough often (but possibly not always) being spread by people who have had previous experience of such things, either by them or their partner.

Anyway - without further delay, thanks to the following for helping win this award.

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WATCH OUT FOR BRAD-WE THINK HE MAY BE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH xxxxxxxxx.

Ahhhhh yes, so regular now that it becomes boring.

I do love and care about my Pinay friends, but I am not IN LOVE with them. I am married, love my wife and, unlike my freeking father, do not intend to have any sort of affair.

Yes my best friends are girls, big frigging deal. Grow up and understand that this does not instantly mean I am sleeping around.

Their husbands don't believe I am, so why should you woman who have nothing better to do? Insecurities over your own partners perhaps?

BRAD HAD SEX WITH xxxxxxxxxx IN THE TOILETS AT EAST LEAGUES FEMALE TOILETS.

-

Thankfully I had witnesses that night, not to mention the fact a security guard guards the door to these toilets making entry for males very hard.
The liars had a win this night, I haven't been back to that club since this event - which was coincidently brought up while I was away and unable to defend myself.

xxxxxxxxx IS AFTER BRAD FOR HAVING SEX WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND IN THE TOILET.

This disappeared soon after I decided to go to immigration. Strange that.

-

BRAD IS AN ALCOHOLIC!

-

Yes one or two rums a day with dinner is seriously out of control.

QUICK- CALL AA NOW! :-)

OH THE HUMMMMMMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BRAD PUNCHED A WOMAN IN THE HEAD AND BRAD ASSAULTED A WOMAN!

Both versions of this one have been used for the same incident and by the same person. Also utilized was "Brad punched me in the shoulder". All are used together for clarity and the 'WTF' factor.

An interesting accusation, brought up after someone was informed they were in trouble for doing the same to a pregnant friend.

This lie is particularly interesting, because the details of what happened, as well as details as to prior knowledge keeps changing depending on who is the latest person to have been told.

I never have and never would assault a woman - those who know me already see this lie as laughable, a lie which is the biggest defamation of character I have yet had to endure from the Filipino community in Sydney.

BRAD IS A CENTERLINK BLUDGER!

Seems people will say anything to try to insult someone. Truth is, confirmable through Centerlink, that I have not been on the dole since around the late 80s when I was between jobs.

Seems this accusation has been leveled at a few people by the same group of people, "interesting" that Centerlink freud always happens to pop to their mind.

BRAD AND xxxxxxx OWES US MONEY

Interesting, do the words clock, cupboard, lounge, bed, fridge mean anything?

-

YOUR A BLUDGER - I HAVE A GOOD JOB!

-

I am on $42.50 and hour. How much do you get?

-

THE WAY I SEE BRAD AND FRIENDS IS LIKE A PACK OF ANIMALS!

Interesting, we help seperate a friend from a savage assault and we are animals.

Certainly rather be an animal than a supposed friend who would stand by and watch without lending a hand to stop it proceeding further.

BRAD IS DESPERATE TO YOUNG GIRLS .

-

Here is another particular favourite. I am a 40 year old who is into young girls.

Aren't I quite the moral defective?

Aren't I quite the pervert?
Really got to stop this dirty and disgusting habit of being nice to people.

No reports of inappropriate behaviour, sexually or otherwise, from other woman, young or otherwise. Can everyone else say the same?

BRAD DOSEN'T KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS!

-

Yeah, thats a tough one. Is it Sunday?

BRAD SPREADS GOSSIP LIKE A WOMAN!

Alls fair in love and war.

Do unto others what they do unto you.

You only reap what you sow.

Lots of this sort of stuff can be found in the bible, for all those who have cast aside nightclubs and refound the church in the last 6 months.

-

HEY ON THE SUBJECT OF NIGHTCLUBS - I HEARD A DISGUSTING RUMOUR THAT ELDERLY AND PREGNANT WOMAN ATTEND CLUBS. SHOULD THEY NOT BE BANNED? SIGN OUR PARTITION TODAY!!!!

-

BRAD BLUDGES OFF ALL HIS FRIENDS!

As opposed to bludging off his, say, NEPHEW to pay bills, which is far more socially acceptable.

Yes I could imagine my huge list of friends would stick around for a long time with me bludging off them. This accusation comes from areas that have given my nothing but grief, perhaps ask those people who care about me and me the same in return, you may get a different opinion.

These are the people I would do anything for.

BRAD IS JUST A LIAR!

I am willing to sit down to a polygraph test on everything I have written here.

Is anyone else wishing to join me?

BRAD IS A GIRL - HE RUNS TO THE POLICE!

I have friends and family to think about, death does not discriminate against sex or race, so death threats are taken seriously.

Show me someone who dosen't.

BRAD CALLED SOMEONE A WHORE ON THIS WEBSITE!

Besides immediately above, did anyone else see the use of this dirty language on here?

The police were given the website address and the provider can confirm no changes were made around this time, so I am open to anyone who is able to point it out.

Unfortunatley I did not call anyone this name on this site, I have respect for these people and what they choose to do, usually due to no other choice. I would not disrespect these woman by utilising their choice of job to describe any of the people who spread lies about me.

BRAD CALLED EVERYONE IN EASTLAKES 'ASWANG'.

Nope didn't do that either. People may wish to examine their Tagalog dictionaries to see what the word barkada means. It stands for group, as opposed to a suburb or province.

Indeed there does seem to be extensive confusion when it comes to Filipino terms, I am not sure what they were doing while at school.

Thanks (salamat) to everyone who has taken the time to read this.

Please note that no names have been mentioned, however those who yell the loudest about this, admitedly contraversial, posting will no doubt be the most guilty.

This post isn't aimed at any single person, these events have taken place over a decade of community involvement, involving ohh so many people who seem to be dead against my being a part of the Filipino community.

THEY MAY SPREAD LIES ABOUT ME.

THEY MAY THREATEN ME.

THEY MAY TRY TO DESTROY MY MARRIAGE.

THEY MAY MAKE DEATH THREATS.

THEY MAY SPREAD HATRED.

THEY MAY PROMOTE DISTRUST.

BUT HELL THEY MUST BE PISSED OFF I AM STILL A PART OF, AND HELPING, THE FILIPINO COMMUNITY HERE AND PROJECTS IN THE PHILIPPINES.

I love the Philippines and Filipinos!

Always have - Always will!

Get used to it or piss off and let me live my life how I want,

with whom I want and without having to share

the xistence of miserable people.

How it used to be before rumours and gossip made a couple

of these people disappear.

One constant in this community is how people can ignorantly believe one persons story without doing them themselves the benefit of

finding out the two sides.

How can anyone do themselves such an injustice?