~~ FERDIE MARCOS ~~

AND HIS

* ALL NEW AUSSIE DEFINITIONS SECTION *

Kumusta to all readers of my exciting new section on the Manila Downunder blog.

Like my fellow late dictator Saddam, I have been asked to host a new section of this remarkable blog and bring a wealth of insight and knowledge equal only to a great man like myself, well, like I was, back before I became a corpse.

Many people seem to have more problems with Australian definitions than Imelda had choosing shows just to walk down to the backyard dunny.

Theres one now. Dunny!!!

Yes you may be thinking that's a funny word. Well believe it or not, dunny is Aussie for toilet. The place where one goes to lay cable, to drop tummy bombs, to cut off a turtle neck, download a food file, release the tummy meatloaf, etc etc

Anyway my friends and supporters today we start by explaining the difference between "not pregnant", "abortion" and "miscarriage".

* The first is when your sperm does not reach the woman's egg, thus causing fertilisation and the resultant birth of a very loud and expensive little person.

* The second is of course if the sperm has reached the egg, and should you not wish to have a very noisy and expensive little person in the world for any reason. This removes all trace of said little person.

One could also use Ebay, apparently they tried in China at least once, but this is frowned upon by authorities within many countries and banned by Ebay owners.

* The third very sad occurrence that should not be experienced by anyone.

Sadly it is a more socially acceptable excuse than number two.

Join me next week when I may come to the surface again and explain the difference between a "two bob watch" and "watching two Bob's".

Anyway Satan is calling - must be off.

Ferdie

~~ ASK SADDAM ~~

Hello again infidels, today I have an email sent to the barkada address from some guy in Canberra. It is outside your Uncle Saddam's usual coverage, but Ali felt there was no more suitable place to locate it.

Thanks for sending your view, other readers are invited to do the same when they have time.

Saddam

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{QUOTE}

Dear Sir,

I suppose I should travel down the usual road taken and congratulate you on the time you spend compiling the information contained in your interesting, and somewhat humourous, internet publication.

More recent topics that you have touched upon have struck a cord with me, closely paralleling many of the experiences I have had during my involvement in the Filipino community of the 'Australian Capital Territory'.

I have been married to a lovely lady from just north of Baguio for nearly 38 years now, we still remain happy and I am pleased to say she is a very carrying and thoughtful person, all that I had been led to believe Filipinas are.

During this period of time I have been involved with our local Philippine community, both through personal aquaintence and through two smaller associations.

While this was mostly enjoyable, both my partner and I were often subject to gossip and ridicule from people, getting stabbed in the back and, sadly, similar death threats to that which you describe.

It is dumfounding why this is the constant across the Australian-Filipino community, however it is more the rule than the exception and they have become known here as people best avoided.

God fearing they say, respectful they say. Still I do feel your pain when it comes to feeling the effect of giving these people your all, just to have it thrown in your face at the first opportunity.

If I have any advice for yourself, or indeed your readers, be VERY careful. Even the nicest person could turn out to be just with you for their own advantage and may just as likely discard you tomorrow for the next best thing to come along.

Think long and hard before investing much time and money in to the friendship of anyone new, in the long run you will be better off for it.

Trying to pick the very few good ones from a very large crop of bad can be an effort. But it will pay off dividends of great long term friendship and very many happy moments ahead in your future friendship.

Im sorry if this sounds decidedly negative, but as the old saying goes, 'You reap what you sew' and Australia-Filipinos have been very busy sewing.

Yours Sincerely

A Barstow

ACT

{UNQUOTE}

BRAD WILL BE HAPPY!

MANILA, Philippines – (UPDATE 2) A lower court decision to annul the marriage between actors’ Diether Ocampo and Kristine Hermosa has been upheld by the Court of Appeals.
“We cannot but sustain the court a quo in declaring as void ab initio the marriage between the petitioner and respondent which was purportedly solemnized on Sept. 21, 2004 at Jaen, Nueva Ecija,” the appellate court’s second division said Tuesday.

~~ BROCK AND SCOTT'S BIG BIRTHDAY ~~

BASH!!

PART 3 OF 3 PARTS (Yep it was that big)

Good Mohammad, I nearly forgot to do todays posting for all my eager readers.

Oh what a disaster that would have been, one that likely would have got Ali sacked from his momumentally important website duties, not to mention the tragedy that would come with my loosing my weekly pie payment.

How would I feed Mrs Ali and all my little rugrat aswangs?

Thankfully while partaking in my mid-morning visit to the mens room, I notied a stain on the bowl. This obviously lead me to think of Eastlakes and then later to the barkada posting.

Praise be to Alah for bowl stains and humans who are stains on society I say.

Sadly this brings Ali to our final report on last Saturday's mega-party, a party to end all parties, a party that had no equal, a party even devoid of one of the Colonel's oral belly evacuations.

Yours

Ali

Ahh what is it with Pinays and TXTing?

The Pinyata caused more than one throsby in our Kiwi mates who mistook it for a sheep.

No offence taken - I know people look down on us aswang, but

your kindness makes up for it.

Thankfully I am taking humanity classes and hope to improve as time goes by.

Time to relieve some of the violent tendancies we feel.

Maria dosen't wish to miss out on the lollies!

Rajin's craving for alcohol reaches new heights.

Thats a joke hey DOCS :-)

Hmmmmm what would they care anyway?

Bloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!!!

Goes without comment!

Oh dear, looks like Colonel is in trouble!

Alas we come to the end of our report. I hope you have enjoyed your little look into our party.

We have much more coming in during the next few weeks.

* Email from some guy in Canberra about his local Filo community.

* Saddam's second column.

* Ex President Bush starts his new humour column.

More fun than you can poke a balut at!

~~ BROCK AND SCOTT'S BIG BIRTHDAY ~~
BASH!!

PART 2 OF 3 PARTS (Yep it was that big)

Yes good morning again from your friend Ali.



My humble apologies for such an early start, but this little aswang must get down to the BKK bins early so as not to miss out on any early morning scraps left behind as the shops replace yesterdays stock.




Ali has exciting news. No, my wife is not giving birth to her 16th child, YET, nor have I recieved my postal order of WMDs yet, NO NO NO, Ali has talked his old friend, ex-President Bush, to take on a regular role here.


Sadly since my only real link to Mr Bush is some shrapnel embedded in my coit following the taking of Baghdad, he was unwilling to help and the police were called when I turned up on his doorstep.


Thanks to the wonder of the internet we can still bring you his regular column of humour, something we all need in this day and age, especially if your friends are abandoning you for Queensland and Miranda.




Anyway please join me, Ali, for a second installment of love and caring at Saturdays party.

Yes Mr Keith she certainly is. You two are great together, certainly seems to Ali that you were made for each other.

Congratulations guys.

Ali has long hair but I am not a maam.

Bill busy on waiting duties, quenching the thirst of the crowd.

A maganda smile at every turn.

I told daddy - your going to get spankies young lady.

Hornbags a plenty at this party - we look foward to seeing them at future parties.

Colonel even wanted to take them to Burwood - the capital of SMUTTERY.

My dear mate Gina is looking every bit as preggers as she is.

We are all hoping for a baby girl.

Here she is see with Cass showing the trademark tongue that invades all photos of her and the late Brad..

Yes it is. Please donate.

Thanks to much generosity from people, the G-Spot Barkada was able to raise $193 for the museum project in Manila. The money is already being put to great restoration usage.

Our secret money raising weapon - who could resist this little face asking for help.

Thanks Rajin for your help - even though I have yet to buy you that bribe Slurpee.

Leny showing off some sexy moves - it was enough to even give the trees wood.

Think it was Billy Field who sung " Can't help myself - Bad Habits".

Must be part of the good ol Colonel genes coming out in Baby Carrots.

Thanks again for joining your new friend Ali. Join us tomorrow for the final installment in this exciting series.

Anyway I am off to raid the bins, this is when you usually find all the rejected black bananas.

Regards Ali The Arabic Aswang

~~ OH MY GOD ~~

HAS IT HAPPENED?

Is this the end for our beloved Brad?

Has time finally run out?

Was his years of helping people in vain?

Did they finally get him - two weeks after the deadline?

Stay tuned this week for all the answers to these probing

questions and many, many more.

~~ BROCK AND SCOTT'S BIG BIRTHDAY ~~

BASH!!

PART 1 OF 3 PARTS (Yep it was that big)

Oooooooohhhhh Ali has an aching head!



What a silly aswang I was, two bottles of scotch, 12 stubbies of beer and what looked to be half a glass of port.


I mean, I can't even explain why I woke up at Mascot shops with no pants on, while this sore bottom has also got me significantly stumped. Thankfully at least I am still alive, it could have been much worse, could have passed out around Eastlakes.


Due to severe intoxication old Ali can't remember much of the nights activities, including why his bottom got so sore, however I shall try to explain the photos I took here with my good friend Mr Credi Bility.

Thank you to the wonderful G-Spot Barkada for allowing Ali to attend this wonderful event and thank you for the food. It be much enjoyed by this lonely aswang.

Thanks to the generosity of the G-Spot Barkada and others attending the party we were able to raise an awesome amount for our Philippine museum charity.

More on this will appear in part 3.

Lattrell preparing for some heavy partying!

Brad popped by very briefly to catch up with some old Filo mates before heading back into hiding under police protection.

Here he is seen with his ol mate Gina.

Wish you could have stayed longer - But we know the danger.

Ali is seen with his new friends Ana, Hiding Ferlie, Bernie and Gina. A little Lattrell can be just seen trying to inch a biscuit.

I tried to pinch a peanut in Pakistan once and had two fingers removed!

Ali need not say more about this one.

The maganda Riza with her cousin Ana.


Chris and Riza share a moment in front of Ali's camera.

The ever beautiful Gina getting plastered on heavy quantities of H2O.

Great to meet you to Cindy and also your cute friend.

"Piss off Ali - I'm trying to sleep"

Many apologies to you Ms Gina, please no lashings, not like the old days in Lebanon when I was caught trying to smuggle a packet of condoms across the border.

What a cutie. Baby is pretty cute to.

FERLIE PHOTO REMOVED

Ahhhh yes, I think I was getting a bit drunk here.

Not sure if Ali's offer was taken up - don't imagine so.

Thanks be to all the wonderful G-Spot Barkada for allowing Ali, a poor peasant Arabic aswang boy from Eastlakes, to attend your auspicious event. I be forever in your debt and carrying wood!

Please join us tomorrow for part two of the coverage.

Peace to mankind - Ali TAA

Join us next week for more fun with ALI!

I will be covering this weekends mega party, the biggest in G-Spot Barkada history.

But don't worry.

Its an aswang free event!

Ali TAA (Webmaster)

~~ UPCOMING KAMI SHOWS ~~

FRIDAY 6 FEBRUARY - (AUSTRALIAN UB40 SHOW) Club Menai
Saturday 7th Feb - Campbelltown RSL
Friday 13th Feb - South Sydney Junior Leagues Club
Saturday 14th Feb Private Function
Friday 20th Feb (AUSTRALIAN UB40 SHOW)Canterbury Hurlstone Park RSL
Saturday 21st Feb - Matraville RSL Club
Friday 27th Feb - Canterbury Leagues Club
Saturday 28th Feb - Cronulla Sharks Leagues Club

Friday 6 March - Bankstown Sports Club (All Fridays Of March)
Saturday 7th March Rooty Hill RSL Club
Friday 13th March - Bankstown Sports Club
Saturday 14th March - St Marys Leagues Club
Friday 20th March - Bankstown Sports Club
Saturday 21st March - Matraville RSL Club
Friday 27th March - Bankstown Sports Club
Saturday 28th March - (AUSTRALIAN UB40 SHOW) Canterbury Leagues Club

Photo: Kethey Kami during show at Canterbury-Hurlstone Park.
Copywrite - Kami (Used with permission)

ALI THE ARABIC ASWANG
AND
THE G-SPOT BARKADA'S EASTLAKES RETURN.

As-salam alaykum. (Thats Arabic for hello)

Yo Stooges, thanks for joining the all new website of the G-Spot Karaoke Barkada.

Some pissers have been threatening me main man Brad, who has asked me remove the digit from the caboose and run the website for him until he can again roam the streets without fear of death, excluding perhaps Redfern and back home in the Gaza Strip.

So who am I?

I am Ali obviously, a street urchin from Erskinville. Originally from the Middle East, I came to Australia to be a lawyer for 20 years, before I got the calling.

Yes the calling!

That calling from the streets to live for free on cake crumbs and the last remaining dregs of ones last bottle of beer.

A chance bite while rooting through the garbages at BKK Eastlakes for some edible treasure has rendered me with a problem, that of turning into a half man and half beast at night. Since joining the 'CARING' G-Spot Barkada I have learn't that the name for me is aswang.

I'm now paid a pie a week to run their website, rather generous, even for IR laws.

Yesterday I fulfilled a long time promise (about a week) to return the G-Spot Barkada to their former stomping ground of the Eastlakes Reserve for some seafood, wildlife spotting and fun.
Despite risking our lives and limbs, a great evening was had by all and a promise made to do it again soon.

All agreed it was a shame Brad could not go, but the threats has made sure that Eastlakes remains an exclusion zone for his visits.
He has however promised to post something to this website when he arrives in Parkes on the weekend.

In the meantime - enjoy the photos of last nights

G-SPOT BARKADA'S BIG EASTLAKES RETURN.

Memories

Rajin and Scott showing support for their new friend Ali!

Ali fits right in with the gang ever since he purchased his first can of deodorant.
Here we chew on the remaining calamari and a bit of chicken pie
left on a park bench.

Ali's beautiful daughter!
Ahhhh she is the pride of Palestine!

Yes hi gang!
Ali's wonderful new friends, caring, sharing and without
the rubbish Ali receives when sleeping in a gutter.

All to soon it starts getting dark and the group become growingly concerned
about the weird creatures flying overhead.
They certainly weren't pigeons, they had all left. Even the seagulls had fled in fear long before these weird airborne things started circling above
Eastlakes Reserve and the nearby Mascot Drive.
Despite Ali's assurances of his years of tactical military training and extensive experience in hand to hand combat with mythical creatures, fear still was setting on on everyone present in the park and they all were soon
screaming and running for cover.

THANK YOU

For joining me in my first posting to the group.
Join us next week when we cover this weekends huge two day party
celebrating Ali's acceptence into the barkada.

Ali is excited.

Ali is thrilled.

Oops Ali has WOOD!

Ma'a salama OR Goodbye

ASK SADDAM

Everyone's favourite dead dictator discusses life, news, hell and murderous aswangs in his new column - exclusive to 'Manila-Downunder'.


Hello blooooood and welcome to my new column aimed at all you infidels (those who don't eat meat pies and suck piss).


My dead uncle 'Ali the Arabic Aswang' has asked me to write a column to attract more interest following the recent going into hiding of the original owner following constant death threats.


Yes your Uncle Saddam knows all about death threats, afterall I made them regularly. But not all is good news, no, the mighty powers overseas also used to threaten me. ME!!! Poor little Saddam, sitting here, minding my own business, reading the latest issue of Camel Porn monthly and munching on that lovely KFC.


Yes - what are those 11 secret spices? Less chance of finding them than any WMDs within my beloved Iraq.


I keep hearing this term aswang. Saddam had no aswang in Baghdad - we would not allow such things in Baghdad. The world has truly become a bad place since I left. Well actually I didn't leave - I just moved 6 foot further down.


Anyway, your fun loving Uncle Saddam is doing this new column while a decision on Brad's future is decided upon. You can email you beloved uncle at the old GSpot email address and Ali will pass it through to me for answering.


This week I would like to use my years of tennis journalism experience to bring you an indepth report on the recent Australian Open, the grand final of which Rafael Nadal beat Roger Feterer was finally played on Sunday night.


While Iraq is not known for its extended line of champion tennis players, that has not stopped your Uncle Saddam from becoming a respected expert in the field, known for his no nonsense and hard hitting style when it comes to the truth, and eradicating enemies.


Please enjoy this my first report.


Any complaints should be sent by email, along with your postal address, for extermination.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AUSTRALIAN OPEN- - RAFAEL NADAL Vs ROGER FEDERER

THE GUY WHO

KEEPS PICKING HIS

ARSE WON THE

GAME!

Love Saddam

Ahhh yes memories - This is a common expression when you

have electrodes strapped to the goolies during interogations!